It hardly seems possible, but it’s been three months since we last darkened the doors of Thai immigration. And, as sure as flooding follows thunderstorm, we woke up with the sense of foreboding experienced by a youngish British couple who just know that something is about to go very wrong.
We weren’t to be disappointed. First up, there was confusion about what time we were supposed to be going to the immigration office. We’d originally been told 10am. Our friend Sethi, a volunteer from Belgium, had been told 9am. Scratching our collective European heads, we eventually deduced that this meant ‘after lunch’. Lunch is something of a moveable feast in Thailand, and indeed something of a repeatable feast. It’s not unusual for Thais to devour several ‘snacks’ throughout the course of the Greater Luncheon period. Clarity was eventually achieved when we pinned down Som-O, our illustrious (beleaguered?) HR supremo, who suggested that 12:45 would be our departure time.
As ‘12:45′ can mean anything between 12:45 and 1:44, we were pleasantly surprised when we clambered into the CCD minibus and proceeded down the soi on time. And so began our first outing to the ‘new’ immigration centre for Nonthaburi province. Previously, we’d conducted our dealings with the stampmaster generals in a facility in Bangkok which dealt with such paperwork for several adjacent provinces. Now, though, Nonthaburi has its own centre. In theory, the closer proximity of the centre should be a Good Thing. In practice, it makes absolutely no difference as it is in the middle of nowhere, or more precisely, in the middle of some rice paddy fields. It also has no public transport links, hence the need for the group outing by CCD minibus. It still took us the best part of an hour to get to as well, due to the driver getting nitnoi (a little bit) lost.

We particularly enjoyed the directional sign at the end of the lane leading to the immigration centre. Ellipting ‘Nonthaburi’ and ‘immigration’, they’d coined the portmanteau ‘Nonthaburigration’. Wonderful!


Nonthaburigration is a surprisingly small building, which looks like it might once have been a school. Inside, on our best behaviour, we queued patiently. It wasn’t that busy, probably because no-one else has worked out how to get there. After a mere fifteen minutes, it was our turn. Som-O took care of proceedings for us, which was just as well given that shortly after sitting down, she was standing up again looking very embarrassed. The rules, it transpired, had changed since our last visit. Nonthaburigration requires two photocopies of everything rather than just one.
Spying a photocopier in the same room, your correspondents naturally assumed that this would be the easiest of all problems to resolve. But no, that photocopier was not for public use – not even for a small consideration. So, Som-O went off in the minibus, in search of an accessible copying device. An hour later, she returned – beaming from ear to ear and clutching the required reproductions.
The Nonthaburigration process then continued, with us handing over the required 3800 baht (£70) and the Nonthaburigration officer glancing briefly in our direction to make sure that we vaguely resembled the individuals on the fresh copies of our identity documents. He decided that we did, and proceeded to apply the usual plethora of stamps and squiggles to our passports. Alas, we deduced from Som-O’s body language, there was a problem… though we couldn’t fathom what. Only after we’d all been ‘processed’ and left the Nonthaburigration office, did we discover what the issue was.
What will you be doing on Christmas Day? Going to church? Eating turkey? Pulling crackers? Opening presents? We rather suspect you won’t be travelling to the middle of nowhere (unless you are visiting relatives in Lincolnshire) and queueing up at Nonthaburigration. But according to our newly-applied passport stamps, that’s exactly what we’ll be doing.

Som-O had pleaded with the Nonthaburigration officer to make the ‘report back’ date 24th December instead, but the powers-that-be claimed they ‘might not have time’ to do the necessary checks by then. Christmas Day is, after all, a normal working day in Thailand, and a day makes all the difference. Hmmm.





During World War II, the British Ministry of Information issued propaganda posters warning that careless talk could cost lives. More than half a century later, there are still places where this maxim rings true.



















