Your recent advertising campaign to try out East Coast’s new First Class offering for £25 seemed too good to be true, so I was initially delighted when I was able to book a round trip from London to the north of Scotland. As a connoisseur of rail travel, I was genuinely looking forward to spending a couple of days using your trains as a ‘mobile office’ while glamorous assistants attended to my every need.
Having now just completed the journeys (Kings Cross to Aberdeen on the 1400 service, 26 July; Inverness to Kings Cross on the 0755 service, 27 July), I would like to respond to your original ‘25 reasons’ email with details of my own experience.
1. Our fantastic £25 one-way fare for travel across the East Coast route
The £25 fare is undeniably good value. Are there any plans to run the promotion again? I feel that I may be able to persuade others to partake on the strength of the recommendations that follow.
2. Enjoy a genuinely warm welcome the moment you step on board
I wasn’t specifically welcomed on board either train that I used. Nor even greeted, in fact. No-one said ‘hello’ or helped me find my seat. There were no newspapers – not even an East Coast magazine – on either train. Coffee (of sorts) was served within three minutes of departing London, though, which was quite welcome.
3. Stretch out in your roomy, reclining seat and watch the beautiful East Coast scenery pass by
The table for four on the return journey was amply proportioned, but the table for two on the outward journey was surprisingly cramped for those of us who are blessed with a full complement of legs.
4. Spread your newspaper, computer, books or magazines on the table and relax in comfort with that extra leg room
There was only just room for an average-sized laptop on the outward journey (table for two). The ride quality was poor, especially on the 0755 Inverness – Kings Cross between Edinburgh and York. Are you also trialling a new type of wheel on your trains? Of a pentagonal design? With no table cloths, the crockery was sliding all over the place.
5. Take time to enjoy the calm and peace of the First Class Quiet Coach
I wasn’t in the Quiet Coach for either leg, but I did observe train crew laughing and joking loudly with platform attendants about the under-staffing on the 0755 Inverness – Kings Cross. The crew change at Newcastle appeared to introduce characters from the cast of Fawlty Towers, one of whom was to be heard shouting ‘don’t you start, bloody woman’ from the vestibule. Sadly I didn’t hear the punchline.
6. Relax and tuck into one of our vegetarian breakfasts
Was not available on the 0755 Inverness – Kings Cross. Although, to be fair, I didn’t spot many people clad in hemp.
7. Opt for a hearty full English instead
Was not available on the 0755 Inverness – Kings Cross. Staff were very matter-of-fact about this, not especially apologetic. Although, to be fair, they were predominantly Scottish and may not have appreciated the south-of-the-border reference.
It is particularly annoying that the absence of breakfast service was not advised to passengers prior to boarding. If it had been, there would have been an opportunity to buy a half-decent breakfast on Inverness station. It is very poor customer service not to admit to serious deficiencies until after departure when this must surely have been known about. I note that the departure boards en route failed to mention any issues with the catering either.
Denying a man bacon that has been previously promised is, I’m sure you’ll agree, a discomfiting precedent and one that would be viewed dimly by, say, the European Court of Human Rights.
8. Or be virtuous and choose a healthy breakfast of Greek yoghurt with fruit compote and granola
Was not available on the 0755 Inverness – Kings Cross. Although, to be fair, I didn’t spot many Greeks.
9. Whatever you choose, enjoy it served to you at your seat
Due to ‘being understaffed’, there was only a choice of bacon or sausage sandwiches – and only then after a stomach-rumblingly long wait. The bread was not toasted and the filling was not remotely warm. A far cry from the feast of bacon, egg, sausage, tomato, mushroom and potato cake that had been promised. And not even hot toast available. How many staff does the breakfast service require? There didn’t seem to be a shortage of bodies.
10. Alongside a nice cold glass of fresh fruit juice
The orange juice was nice, cold and in a glass. I faintly recall apple juice (and pineapple juice?) being available before the changes to the service provision though.
11. Sip a cup of freshly-ground coffee or English Breakfast tea
Are you sure the coffee is ‘freshly ground’? It didn’t smell like it to me, and it tasted suspiciously like something that Anthony Head might have promoted before he took up vampire slaying.
12. Admire stunning East Coast scenery framed by your window
This was indeed admirable, although I’m not sure East Coast can take all the credit for that…
13. Nibble complimentary snacks and refreshments
I’ll allow ‘nibble’.
14. Indulge yourself with a complimentary glass of Sauvignon Blanc
This was available – but there used to be a whole wine list before the ‘improvements’.
15. Email your friends to tell them how great your journey is with free Wi-Fi
The wi-fi worked well, although seemed to think I was in Sweden. Aldrig åtanke! I would have been able to work profitably for the duration, had I not been so moved by my experiences that I was compelled to write this riposte.
16. Revive your laptop by hooking it up to the power socket
This worked well. Not so good if you’re sitting in the aisle seats of the tables for four, where such facilities did not appear to exist.
17. Peruse the menu and choose your complimentary lunch
There were no menus to peruse (or make paper aeroplanes with) on the 0755 Inverness – Kings Cross, despite a verbal announcement advising customers to consult them for details. The menus on the 1400 Kings Cross – Aberdeen raised high hopes in the anticipation of a proper sausage-and-mash dinner with lemon cheesecake to follow. Sadly, this proved not to be one of the trains that said ‘evening meal’ is served on, despite the journey running right through what most people would consider to be dinner time. Do you not have dinner until after 9:30pm? How do you survive?
18. Again, served to you at your seat
Not really a ‘reason’, I’d venture. If only you’d made it a £10 offer, you wouldn’t have had to conjure up so many reasons. Hindsight, eh?
19. Choose from a selection of mouth-watering sandwiches
The crew were offering two small triangles of a sandwich, which didn’t really satisfy the appetite of someone who had earlier been denied their full cooked breakfast! Someone sitting nearby had the temerity to ask for more, in a scene reminiscent of Oliver Twist. I’m not sure that I saw them again after that.
20. Or a delicious hot meal
The ‘hot meal’ on offer northbound was actually a lukewarm-ish ‘cauliflower cheese tart’ – with no discernable trace of cauliflower. It was served with a light flurry of dressed leaves, which was very disappointing. A snack – yes. A hot meal – absolutely not. Had it been served with new potatoes and French beans, for example, or a decent hunk of warm bread, it would have been far more suited to the task. Both the Aberdeen and Inverness journeys are in excess of 7 hours long – a substantial meal is a necessity.
The ‘hot meal’ offered southbound was something called beetroot risotto. The name alone was sufficient to put me off, although the person sitting opposite me was clearly of a braver disposition. It looked worse than it sounded, and my unknown companion pushed it around the plate for a while before going in search of something from the buffet car.
21. And finish your meal off with a tempting slice of cake
This was quite tasty. I’m not usually a fruit cake fan, but the spiced cake concoction was admittedly pleasant.
22. Treat yourself to one of our National Trust-inspired creations – like our handmade Nunnington Spiced Fruit Loaf
Is there an echo in here? See 21.
23. Have just one more bite of our delightful Marmalade Cake
No sign of that on either leg of my journey. Would be more appropriate for First Great Western services to/from Paddington anyway.
24. Or lick your lips at the thought of a complimentary scone oozing with strawberry jam and cream
The thought of a scone oozing with jam and cream was as close to reality as I got. Which ‘selected services’ are these mythical scones served on? It’s impossible to tell from the menu and/or the timetable. Who ‘selects’ them? I thought the 1400 departure from Kings Cross would be the ideal timing for afternoon tea… alas I was very much mistaken.
25. Immerse yourself in culture along a route that covers some of the UK’s most historic and beautiful cities
Not sure East Coast can take the credit there either, but a tantalising bit of PR spin I grant you.
In summary, as you will probably have gathered, I am not a convert to your revised First Class arrangements. The ability to order hot, freshly prepared meals in the restaurant car and from the at-seat dining service is a sad loss. The replacement offering is, if my two experiences are representative, poorly executed and inadequate.
To conclude, if you’d like me to help with your next ‘25 reasons’ campaign, my rates are very reasonable. But you must excuse me for now as I duck into Burger King on Kings Cross station. Having just got off one of your trains, I am hungry.
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